Day Four, Escaping Alzheimer's

I escaped today. I taught this morning, went to my office to return materials and turned in paperwork. Met a friend for lunch and wandered into gift shops on my way back to my car. While driving back from the city I cried for all that has been lost. The times that I could call Mom and talk or make plans for a mini vacation. I thought about her never being able to spend the night at my house or just sit and watch a movie. I miss her. I spent the rest of the day doing my bills and reconciling my finances and then doing the same for hers. All of the services that were in place to support her are cancelled and now the house is just running on the utilities and lawn maintenance. Easy finance week for her. I spoke with a few family members today about upcoming events and reported on Mom's progress. It is funny to me that people want to know her progress. She doesn't progress now. She has days of clarity with an overall slow mental decline. I was tearful again this afternoon and then decided to escape dementia. I didn't think about any of the things that need to happen over the next few months or wonder what Mom was doing at that moment. I did not go see her today. I simply couldn't do another visit of tears and begging to go home. Someone else is making sure that she eats, drinks, rest, takes her meds and sleeps tonight. Most of all, she is safe. I can rest. I can play guitar, go for a bike ride, read a book and not wonder if Mom is safe. I can escape the burden of worry that comes with Alzheimer's.